When the Dementors strike, create your own Patronus

It's ok, I'm feeling much better now.

I honestly cannot remember the amount of times that I have coyly uttered these words of surrender, whether it be to myself, or whomever I might have projected my tempest of internal emotion onto.

As the storm passes, however, and I feel the darkness wickedly leave my body in jest, the sigh of relief is overwhelming. Bryony Gordon named her 'storm' Jareth the Goblin King, in reference to the eerie character Bowie plays in the film Labyrinth. Apparently Winston Churchill called it his 'black dog'. Being a millennial and all, and at the latter end of the spectrum might I add, I see this ominous asshole as a Dementor. Thank you very much, that absolutely was a Harry Potter reference. To have your soul and happiness be brutally forced from your body, with no warning at all, your perception blurring, with there being no sense of hope that you will ever be able to return to Hogwarts, Ron and Hermione again - this is how I imagine a Dementor's Kiss to play out. It is at this point I realise that perhaps I should adopt some sort of patronus.

All jokes aside though, after I have had one of my 'moments', I often get a dense wave of embarrassment and guilt. You don't deserve to feel that much pain, I think to myself. What has happened to you that was so terrible to justify that outburst? Nothing, I guess. I get so confused and frustrated that only a few days ago I was feeling absolutely fooking fabulous. As Ronan Keating so profoundly reminds us, however, life is a rollercoaster, you've just got to ride it. I suppose that is exactly my problem, I temporarily forget how to ride it. I so easily fall back into the nasty habit of not believing in myself. I put a magnifying glass up to my flaws, or whatever I perceive to be my failures. Once I am out of my trance, when I am no longer possessed, well, blow me down, I realise what a load of codswallop I was spewing up. Because this is what I do, projectile vomit self sabotaging thoughts wherever I can.

Just as the very act of writing this is cathartic in itself, I am also desperate to collate a list of what I should do following these debilitating moments, create my own version of a patronus if you will, ready for the next time the Dementors might strike.

1. Eat. Make yourself a nourishing meal, or order something delicious. Just do what you do best, and take the time to enjoy a good plate of food.

2. Take a shower, cleanse, exfoliate, do a facemask, paint your nails, pamper yourself. You deserve it, plus your obsession with skincare doesn't fall far behind your love of food.

3. Distract yourself in a good way. Read a book, until someone else's words become your reality, paint, put on a podcast - you goddamn love yourself a podcast, girl.

4. Exercise. If it is late in the evening, a quick walk to the shops for a treat or a run along the river aren't recommended, but instead do a YouTube video of Yoga with Adrienne, or a session on Headspace - the exercise doesn't have to be physical.

5. Understand and accept that that winding feeling may strike again, when and why - your guess is a good as mine, but when it does, please just let it out. Once the storm clears, remember this list, for these little steps will ease your pain, make you feel more human again, and give you that little poke in the cheek that might just release a little smile.